XVIII

ECLIPSE

    Now followed a long period of distress to her body to which the regular attendants alone were witnesses. We could only hear her cries of pain. A tragedy worse than that of Sri Aurobindo was being enacted, and most of us had no means of knowing what was passing in the closed chamber. Some news could be gleaned now and then from Pranab and other attendants, but they themselves were quite ignorant of and bewildered by the nature of the ailment. I would meet Champaklal only at night, and he could give no detailed news either, but there was always in his speech an uncertain tone ending with "Only He can help", or something to that effect. At times he used to be called urgently by Pranab at night while he was taking food or resting and he would rush up. From time to time we could hear the Mother enquiring about the time in the early morning when we were working at the Samadhi, or at other occupations. On 19th May when Nishikanta passed away we wanted the news to be

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conveyed to her but her condition was too serious for us to think of doing so. Not only that, her condition, it seems, became gradually worse after that event.

    Dr. Bisht was called at one stage. An electrocardiogram was taken; other tests also were done, but all the reports were depressing. Still, we hoped, as we had done in Sri Aurobindo's case. Champaklal kept up his unvarying doubtful tone.

    I used to go upstairs every evening and pass some time in quiet concentration at my accustomed place on the terrace, but the mind could not be easily brought under control. Sometimes I used to hear the Mother groaning, sometimes the attendants persuading her to take something. Otherwise a complete silence reigned in the room. The months rolled on and the August Darshan was at hand. Speculations were rife as to whether there would be any Darshan at all. But the Mother did appear at the Balcony and we were deeply stricken by what we saw. Instead of elation, a profound sorrow and anguish seized our hearts. It was a sheer act of grace on her part to give us her last Darshan. The condition began to deteriorate from that day. On Andre's birthday soon after the Darshan it seems she made no response. The attendants kept a vigil round the clock. Night after night Pranab and Champaklal were alternately by her side. From below one could hear Pranab's voice telling the Mother something or the other.

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    Arrived 17th November, the fatal day. It was my birthday, too. There was no question of having her darshan, but we could not imagine that things were so serious. Everything went on as usual, even the weekly cinema-show that evening. In the afternoon friends came to wish me 'bonne fete' and I was busy entertaining them, but my mind was not there. As soon as I could make myself free, I went up. I was sitting outside; Kumud opened the door of the Mother's room and asked me if I could find Pranab and call him. It was about 7 pm. He had gone out for a short while. He came running. The doctor was also sent for before his usual time. Dyuman who never went up at that hour was also there. So was Andre. Near about 8 pm. He came out and went home. His face was grave and calm and bore no indication of disaster. But what about Dyuman or the doctor? What made them stay on and why had Pranab been urgently called back, - these were the questions disturbing my mind. The situation must be critical, I felt. Gautam, a young sadhak who had served the Mother personally, had come from his home to spend the night with us. I was moving to and fro pricking my ears for every little sound, went to bed for a while and got up at a sudden noise. It was about midnight. I and some others saw that Nolinida was coming down from the Mother's room followed by Pranab. Nolinida's face was a mask, but Pranab uttered the fatal word in his grave voice,

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"Mother has left her body." The shock was too great to bear and the loss too deep to be told.

    It was decided that the news should not go abroad at the moment. The body was to be brought down first and kept in the Meditation Hall.

    Pranab carried her in his arms and brought her down to the landing from where some of us helped him carry her to the Meditation Hall. There the Mother's second couch had been kept ready and the body was placed upon it. It was about 3 a.m. Then the people were informed of the unbelievable painful truth.

    The rest of the story is too well-known to be repeated.

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